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Stand Back

October 15, 2022

There’s a verse in one of Pearl Jam’s songs that says, “Stand back when the spirit comes”. It is the perfect way that I can express what my spiritual awakening has revealed to me. After burning out at the end of the summer, I fully experienced what my program of recovery teaches me – that running on willpower will invariably lead to a crash.

Now that I have realized what turning it over to my higher power really means, and to live in the freedom of that release. I have come to realize that my basic tenets of simple living are not actually because I was traumatized and could only manage elementary principles. I have happily discovered that thinking and living simply is the natural and sublime manifestation of living in accordance to the Spirit, and letting that power direct me. It is a magnificent revelation, and another example that suggests God seems to really like paradoxes.

But I must note that before easing into this new way of thinking and living, there was resistance. My mind and my emotions wanted “more”. My historical tendency to intellectualize and theorize (really, to complicate) was now being overlooked in order to remain in connective flow states, and my ego felt very frustrated with not getting centre-stage as it was accustomed to.

I am happy to report that my ego survived, in fact it might be doing better than ever. Through my deactivation of social media and my continuous striding to manage my time wisely, I have been able to appease my ego by engaging in old customs, such as practicing my violin and spending more time considering my appearance and how I want to clothe my body responsibly, style my hair, and use makeup. I have also found that I can still use my reasoning skills to understand my psychic change.

I can have a sense of self, and still stand back, but not when then spirit comes, for the kingdom of God is within me, and therefore the spirit is always there. I am indescribably grateful for the understanding of simple, basic living, and I unapologetically go forth praising this new way of life that gives me such freedom, clarity, and satisfaction. I hope to never over-complicate my life or my spirituality again, and I trust that I will continue to build up my resources as I go along.

Photo by Savvas Kalimeris on Unsplash

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