I’ve been contemplating my spiritual awakening. I really could not make sense of it, because it seemed to have been thrust upon me with the challenges of life, and that my awakening was simply the reward of overcoming those challenges. But I am in a discipline that promises if I take certain steps, I will have a spiritual awakening and live a new life. Yet this phenomenon did not come until years after I took those steps.
So in my efforts to understand, I brought it back to the basics. Those are: trust in God and get really honest. Looking back, those were two things I never fully surrendered to. I didn’t fully believe that I could be happy on God’s terms, and I was still coming from a place of pride, where I wasn’t fully honest; I was hiding and pretending in order to protect a sense of self that had been contorted.
I had been considering my spiritual awakening for the most part to have happened at the beginning of the pandemic. I remember the pandemic coming in March 2020, because that was when we all locked down, and for the first time in my life I felt not only equal to others, because we were all in the same position for a moment in time, but I also felt like I could fulfill my hidden desires to preach, because I knew how to pray and meditate, and I wanted to help others do that in their time of isolation.
But really analyzing those early months, the news started reporting the virus in January, with the intent to scare us from the beginning. Looking back, I can consider the pandemic really starting then, because it changed a lot of things from that first reporting on. The stock market was affected, which changed business, which impacted my sales job by having hours cut before closing for the pandemic.
While I didn’t have a full awakening in the months leading up to the lockdown, I was for the first time beginning to surrender my position to God. I was able to comprehend and live out the adage, “This too shall pass.” I call it the first grown-up thought I’ve had, and this allowed me to break free from the pressure I put on myself to appear a certain way. I began to trust God and get honest – even with myself – about where I was in my life.
I feel confident today how a person has a spiritual awakening, and I know through and through now that it’s an inside job. I needed to know the principles of my awakening so that I could pass those basics on, but I can’t force a person to have a relationship with their conception of a higher power, which means I can’t impart that awakening myself. This beautifully helps me stay in my awakening, because it helps me stay in my lane. As someone who was kept from the sunlight of the Spirit by my own doings, the practice of live and let live, which for me means to respect all autonomy, is crucial for my development.
I wish I could save the world, but since my awakening has shown me that I am an intrinsic part of this world, if I continue to save myself by staying open with my higher power, maybe I can help the advancement of an ecology that will aid in the rescuing of those around me. Therefore, “Let it begin with me”.