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A Crisis of Faith

January 14, 2022

A consequence of a pandemic that was not foreseen during the simulated pandemic exercise in 2019, was a crisis of faith. As we enter the third year of the pandemic, and as I see the lies, manipulation, and coercion made by the Canadian government, I bring it back to human nature. It can be observed that humans build systems that are easy to exploit, and will do just about anything to protect those structures. Now that I see this happening in my own lifetime, I look back through history, and think of course these same tactics were used in politics and religion since the beginning.

The councils and the crusades, and even today the majority of denominations that originally broke from the Catholic Church in protestation of corruption, only to condemn certain groups of people to hell even today, all surely used, and still use, lies, manipulation, and coercion to set certain goals into motion. I have been left feeling conflicted, searching for truth in a desperately fallen world.

But what I thought was becoming a crisis of faith turned out to be the strength needed to challenge the bigotry, misogyny, violence, and intolerance that is sprinkled in the Bible and teachings of some church leaders. I have come to understand through watching and feeling the consequences from the actions of the various levels of government, that acts and incitements of hatred are where the lies enter.

I was setup to proceed with this reasoning when my dad passed away in March 2021. We had just entered year two of the pandemic, and while he tragically died an alcoholic death, he was susceptible to his mental illness being exacerbated by lockdowns and “social” distancing. I reflected on the teachings of hell, as written in the Bible, and I questioned the validity of that on my previous blog which I decommissioned this month. All of my fear of going to hell passed away with my dad, and as we approach year three of the pandemic, I can see the case to question the various systems is only building up.

With my further musings on human nature, and growing aversion to government strategies, I also no longer run to various communities for clarification when I see a discrepancy in biblical teachings. Now I simply know there is innate corruption through the selfish and self-seeking motives of leaders, past and present, manipulating information to amazingly twist a lie into a perceived truth, and that it’s easy for people to accept and defend error. The pandemic and the way we have handled it since day one follows the same methodology as fundamentalist religion.

What I originally interpreted as a crisis of faith was instead the conviction that Jesus is real despite some of his most powerful ambassadors being corrupted, evil is real and often shows up as a false beacon of hope, and there are answers that can be found which can alleviate my frustration and anger, if I can learn from the past, be accountable for my own participation in nepotism, and resolve to live a better day. A day of compassion and cooperation.

In my recovery journey I have tried so hard to be good. To do and say everything correctly, appropriately, responsibly. I needed so desperately to tow the line and be “good”, because I felt so guilty for my past actions. I also felt fearful because I couldn’t trust my own ability to do the next right thing by my own will. But a day of reckoning has arrived where I am now too strong, too recovered, to believe lies. I grieve the disservice made to all people who have suffered or died at the hands of greed, and I am humbled by my privileges that I was able to grasp, even when I wasn’t well.

The conclusion is simply this: where there is hatred, there is deception. When the safety of a group of people is being threatened, there is evil. I hope to never again be deceived. To know thyself is to know how easy it is to be hoodwinked. I am appalled at the Canadian government, but I also see how I benefitted from past forms of corruption, and continue to do so due to my own circumstance, inadequacies, fears, and ignorance.

From the cultural genocide of the Indigenous Peoples, to the systemic racism that is a corroding thread in all aspects of society, to the new witch-hunts of the unvaccinated, we all must eventually learn the consequences of our actions, which I am finding more often than not show up in the form of suppression, lack of examination, and compliance.

Two Point Perspective Futuristic City Drawing Jennifer Chen

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